What I Learned from the Sex-Positive Community. Part 3: Incorporating Practices in an Art Context.
Illustration: FIlip Adrian
We are honoured that Eva Neklyaeva interviewed us for her articles about the connections between sexpositive and art spaces for the Various Artists online magazine, an initiative by the Swiss Arts Council Pro Helvetia.
Eva is a curator working at the intersection of sexuality and art. In her series of three articles, she talks to colleagues who are active in this intersection as well. Part 3 of the series – accompanied by images by Milan-based illustrator Filip Adrian – focusses on the incorporation of the practices introduced up until now in an art context.
And Part 1 & 2 are also worth a read!
And in case you are curious and can't get enough -> here is the full original interview:
1. Could you introduce yourself and your practice for the readers who are not familiar with it?
We are Matìs d‘Arc and Beata Absalon, workshop facilitators (and more) at „luhmen d‘arc“ – a label for experimental experiences for inventive intimacy. On a practical level we offer courses, sessions, jams and playspaces for encounters that could be associated with the terms sexpositivity and BDSM, but also performing arts and improvisation. The term „sexpositive“ is both a blessing and a curse here, since we invite the sensual, erotic and kinky, but it goes way beyond this realm. Or let‘s say: we are driven by the question what sex actually is and can be. To investigate this we create unusual playful gatherings that are based on the conditions of caring as well as daring, of curiosity and compassion, infused with a lot of humour as well as a critical standpoint. To make it more tangible let us give you an example: One of our workshops is called „House of Neurotic Womxn“, which celebrates those transfixing cinematic images where females lose their shit – or find another state of mind – in obsession, hysteria, ecstasy. So we watch those scenes and then try to reenact and reclaim them. The aim is to embrace the often neglected grotesque, monstrous, weird and overwhelming elements of eros; acknowledging, that mainstream media might have trained us to have the perfect seductive bedroom-look, but it could be more rewarding to allow ourselves to go into (supposedly) ugly grimacing. Hopefully to expand the range of understanding, feeling and acting in the world we inhabit. And first and foremost: to enjoy! Now, this is a pretty elaborate workshop, but we also like to dive deep into the little pleasures and techiques of being sensuous, like the art of biting.
We use methods from theatrical role-playing, movement exercises, somatics and creativity techniques to reflect upon how we relate to each other, in order to try out and dream towards new ways of relating to ourselves, each other and our environment. And at times all we need to do is give permission: yes – you can now actually spend one hour of massaging a person‘s mouth!
The modalities of our work are closer to research, trial & error, asking questions and staying in a mode of bewilderment instead of mastery and sovereignty, which tend to numb or decorate what is actually quite interesting about struggling, not-knowing and imagining, in akwardness and surprise. I guess we want to encourage people to find out what works for them, instead of following a rule set of „right“ and „wrong“.
2. In your work with luhmen d'arc, you offer a lot of workshops that are connected with slowing down, resting, meditation, coming to your senses. Why do you think it is important to offer practices like this?
The easy answer would be that it resists what is demanded from us in fast-paced regimes of competition, consumerism and profit. But when we focus too much on being anti-mainstream we risk to forget what is inherently valuable in slowing down. And on a footnote: one could argue that slowing down is already mainstream when looking at how wealthy the wellness-industry is.
We mentioned that luhmen d‘arc inquires intimate practices and scenes for their peculiar qualities, lovingly-critically asking in what way they are transformative, silly, creepy, subversive, pretentious, therapeutical, erotic - or not. This requires to question what usually is taken for granted and to resist easy, comforting answers. This requires time and idleness. Time to try and fail and still return and learn and at times doing it miraculously right. To look at things from different perspectives takes time. To let experiences sink in. Some of the things we do can feel overwhelming, for example when we do workshops that invite pain via flogging or rope bondage – pain that is usually avoided. Those weird new sensations evolve over time: they not only change during a flogging session, but it‘s quite likely that you will digest this experience for the next days or longer, as if it becomes a companion. And you will simply get more out of it if you indulge in the luxury of not rushing. It‘s like in Yoga when the practice ends in Shavasana: simply lying down and doing nothing, so the body cells can actually incorporate the practice – or whatever is happening there!
It‘s quite important for us that participants of our workshops don‘t just follow a specific recipe of techniques we show them or that they copy our style. We hope to encourage them to find their own unique style and selfresponsibly follow their desire, by being inspired of the container we provide. That also takes time, because it‘s easier to just do what somebody tells you. Usually when people get asked in an intimate situation about what they want, they get blank. What do I want?! And is it really what I want or what I am supposed to want? An anchor to not get lost in those questions is to get back to the simple stuff: breathing, feeling, hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting. Cultivating something like a beginner‘s mind.
3. When working in the s+ spaces and in the arts spaces, how does your practice change? Can you pinpoint the main difference in intention?
Is it an „either/or“, though? I guess one could say that sexpositive spaces can be artful while arty spaces can be sexpositive. Also, aesthetics and a reflection about the tools, objects and materials being used interest us anyway, no matter in which space. The difference could lie in the expectations of the visitors. If they come to a workshop they might already arrive with a mindset of wanting to interact and be challenged, while an artspace tends to address visitors as observers and audience, nestled more safely in the dark space in front of a stage. And then the opposite can be true as well. Maybe there is a tendency in our work to switch some of the expectations around. To draw from the art spaces what can be learned about dramaturgy, choreography, theatrality and infuse the workshopspaces with this, which (unfortunately) tend to be adressed more as so-called authentic or „real“ spaces – terms that lead to misunderstandings. As if there would be something evil around performing one‘s identitiy, sexuality, interactions. Aren‘t they mostly performed? And would that make them less real? From this viewpoint it becomes difficult to not see human being‘s behaviour as an ongoing artwork in progress.
Furthermore, in art spaces we tend to focus more on giving an idea of how it can be worth it to also integrate sexuality into an artistic process (which historically has been the case anyway when you look at the manifold metaphors around the ecstasies of creation and procreation, giving birth to ideas, books, etc.) and how both, sex and art, are probably less about self-expression and more about overcoming the burdens of selfhood for a few moments by touching the alien and unknown. Since we have figured this out our struggle for finding the mathcing words for what we are doing. We tried „curating spaces“, „engineering fantasies“, but now it is more about „opening a portal for sex to enter - like in a séance“ or „doing exorcizes“.
4. What is your take on discussion about safer spaces?
Oh, there is so much to say about it! While I find it quite selfevident that the minute we deal with messy and risky stuff like bodies, desires, the unconscious, with taboos and so on, this can only be done when some safety measures are being taken care of. You rightly so talk about safeR spaces, knowing that there cannot be such a thing as a safe space – that would be an illusion. Maybe one could compare it to riding rollercoasters. Enjoying this sort of fun is only possible if you can buckle up and if the construction is regurarly controlled. Nevertheless nobody can prevent you from not having fun on a rollercoaster, from feeling nauseous or vomiting and never wanting to do it again. And at times there are also accidents…
Something less evident I would love to share is my impression from the last retreat I did in Spain a few days ago, a retreat that focused on one of our five senses every day to tap into the realms of dreams and phantasies by awakening those senses. And we all realized that we are all way too polite and pleasing with each other and this stands in our way of having interesting and juicy sessions! In the spirit of safer spaces we gave them so many reminders of possible exit points if a scene get too intense, of how to calm yourself down, how to modify the exercise in case it‘s too much for you, that most of the participants became too hesitant with each other and asked us to push them more. That was quite surprising for us and reminded us of the importance of context and relationality. The safety-reminders are not important in and of itself, but they become more or less important depending on with whom you are working with. I guess I do most consent exercises while having newbies or even creepy people on my mind. But if I then adress the caring and sensitive people with the same attitude, they just become more cautious – so what they actually would have needed would be less consent exercises and more exercises on how to become more bossy, selfish, courageous, bitchy… but not as a personality trait, more as a helpful technique, as a way to make something happen, that will delight everybody involved. Sometimes consent helps so that everybody involved can enjoy themselves. And sometimes pushing people more can help people enjoying. It really depends and its worth to get to know what is needed, instead of following some one-size-fits-all strategy.
